Sheep

I find it appropriate that my first entry in New Zealand made mention of sheep. This one does as well. Sue greeted us as Brian and I pulled in to John and Annette's driveway, "oh good, you can help us with the sheep." They needed the Ute (translation: pickup truck) we've been borrowing, to pull a trailer with Annette's sheep in it to the butcher's. Except the five sheep weren't in the trailer yet. They were baaing around in the tiny paddock (field) below John and Annette's house. So I climbed into the field with Sue and John to herd the sheep toward the gate. Brian backed the Ute down to the gate entrance. On our second try, we got the sheep in the pen next to the gate. John began wrestling each one onto its bum. Once on their bums, sheep become calm and he was able to drag them through the gate and place their front feet on the back ledge of the trailer to boost them in. Brian operated the gate, and assisted with sheep boosting. Sue and I stood at the back of the pen's short gate to intimidate the sheep from jumping back over into the paddock.

Eloise slept in her car seat in the Ute this entire time.

Next, Sue and I hopped into the Ute and drove the sheep to "Dr. Hud's Killing and Processing" operation out in Kaipara Flats. I was surprised to see genuine redwood trees on the side of the road up to Dr. Hud's. The sheep were unloaded and marked and Sue drove us back to the house. On the drive we passed the farm she co-owns. I learned all about share-milking and a bit about dairy farming.

Eloise slept almost all the way home.

She is teething and it appears as if all that drooling and frustration requires extra sleep.

Our bonnie wee lass

Our welcome to New Zealand was an hour and a half later than expected due to a delay of our take off in Sydney. Since then, however, nothing has been slow. We had one day of puttering around the Carr's house and then the next morning we hopped into the dinghy with Eloise in her bright yellow and red life jacket on. She was completely relaxed and snuggled into my lap all the way down the river to Nomad. Once on Nomad, I made her a nest under the galley table and laid her down for her nap. Her acceptance of new experiences with equanimity has been a wonder and a relief. She only woke up when Nomad's motor turned off after an hour and a half of motoring to the Warkworth Cement Works (there's a great view of this site on Google Earth if you want to see where we're berthed).

Eloise has seen sheep for the first time, been a bit curious about the accents of people around her but mostly pretty much her usual self with some extra snuggling required.

Her Christmas gift from mom and dad is early. We bought her a sheepskin of her very own yesterday. It will be her mattress on the boat. Annette made it a great slip cover. Tonight is the test run sleeping on the boat. We'll let you know how it goes.

I knew I was in another country this morning when John was sitting around sipping coffee with his two co-workers at the kitchen table. One of them, Phil, looked over at Eloise sitting on Annette's lap and said, "She's a bonnie wee lass, isn't she?" I glowed!

Sleep 2

So, I shouln't have crowed so quickly with delight after one success. That was the only success with that method. That gimmick included waiting outside of the sleeper's room, watching until the first signs of early waking, dashing in, nursing/soothing the child back to sleep before she woke up. This is not the solution I needed. I needed something that didn't require me to re-sleep her half way through each nap.

The good thing about that original dud was the idea of lurking outside the room right around the time of the early nap awakening. I used that strategy to see that Eloise was startling herself awake. She looks like I might look when I have falling dreams. This triggered me to remember that the nap strike began around when I decided she was too wiggly to swaddle any more. So, I've resumed a semi-swaddle technique that seems to make her feel safe and keep her from startling. Longer naps have been the joyful result.

Sleep

the simple entity I have enjoyed for so many years without giving it much thought has now become a prize to be pursued. I knew that it would because I've watched other parents wrestle with how to provide this gift to their children and to themselves. That's what it has become for me. A needed gift that I want to give my little girl. When her dark eyelashes close delicately on her porcelain chubby cheeks I feel the same satisfaction as when I hear her rhythmic gulping at my breast. I am providing her with the means to her brain growth, cell growth,and emotional well-being when I provide her with sleep.

The various books, the websites, the questioning of friends and doctor are all worth the effort if I gain a nugget that leads to sleep for Eloise. The problem with all of that information gathering is that, as with all things "baby", the study of sleep is rife with opinions at odds with each other, at odds with my specific child's behavior.

But today there was a breakthrough. For some reason about 3 weeks ago, my little darling decided to go on a nap strike. That's right. No signs, no memo to announce the radical change, just one day she slept for only 45 minutes instead of the usual 3 hours during her morning nap time. Not only did this throw off all the other naps of the day it disturbed my heretofore gentle grinning baby. Since that day, she hasn't slept for more than one hour at any of her nap times unless I decide to wear her in the carrier for her entire nap time. I have done this many days because after a 45 minute nap, she was waking up yawning, nervous, unwilling to play on her own, and much more clingy. I was sad. I wanted to read her Sandra Boynton books instead of trying to convince her not to cry.

But, as I said before, today there was a breakthrough. I read one of my books and it had a suggestion for my exact situation. I performed the suggestion, albeit skeptically. It worked. She slept 3 hours again. I had to keep checking on her to make sure she was ok. But what a relief. The reward for all that sleep? A cheerful enormous smile when she eased back into waking.

Esther

Esther was alive for 16 years. and some might say that's it, it's over. But as her family posted this morning, "We are convinced she is more truly alive than ever but still our hearts are breaking... " They also wrote, "now she belongs to the heavens." I believe and I think they would agree that she has always belonged to the heavens ever since the Creator imagined her to life. As we all belong to the heavens.

Right now I'm very grateful for my little Eloise so that I can feel more deeply the agony the loss of my cousin's daughter.

I feel the 12 pounds of solid aliveness as I hold Eloise and listen to her grunts and squeaks. When I laid her down to her nap just now I imagined how it would be to lay her down only one last time, her peaceful face a farewell visage. It breaks me. The hopes Esther's family had, the joy they had in her quirky spunky self. Esther steered our boat once, half of her life ago, before the cancer. She hopped right up to the steering wheel and took a turn, no worries about how her efforts would turn out, just a curiosity and excitement to try her hand at a new thing.

She has many new things waiting for her in eternity.

Here are her feelings from a couple of weeks ago:
http://www.youtube.com/user/cookie4monster4#p/u/4/fa3XHeMtY3s

growing

Eloise is now 11 lb. 4 oz. only 5 weeks after she arrived at 9 lbs. She still feels quite tiny!
Recent joys have been:
Eye contact
smiling games
dimply hands
and much much more.

Next Chapter

Eloise arrived 3 weeks ago. All 9 pounds of her.
I started reading 9 months ago in preparation for coming and realize now that I could never have prepared completely. But, I swung through books as a child on monkey bars swings from one crossbar to the next. The Girlfriend's guide to Pregnancy was superceded by Dr. Sears' "The Pregnancy Book". Next came "Childbirth without Fear" which was in turn left behind for Dr. Sears' "The Birth Book". Thrown into the mix were the pamphlets from the medical world and google searches when nothing else answered my questions.

Now I've swung on and "The Nursing Mother's Companion" truly has been just that. The ubiquitous Dr. Sears and his "The Baby Book" is just coming in to view and sits on the coffee table, right now open to Chapter 1. Many of the books along my journey have raised concerns, caused anxiety, reduced anxiety, comforted me, puzzled me, or lead me to further inquiry.

But most delightful of all the books I've read, all the resources I've gone through along this ride, is Eloise herself. I never guessed that learning to read my daughter would be the most important joy of all. She has already taught me how to read her hunger signs, her happy sounds, her upset sounds. She has already in her short life caused anxiety one moment and then comforted me in the next. She certainly requires further inquiry for many more years.