In the last two months I've gained 15 pounds, (and no, I still don't think it's very kind for people to tell me how large I'm getting), checked off a long term goal of visiting Victoria Canada's Butchart Gardens with my mom and sister, finished my semester teaching at Bethany, met my new nephew Elijah (born a week ago), continued my very helpful prenatal yoga classes, planted a veggie garden, and made a long list of things I want to accomplish before the baby gets here.
More than ever pregnancy is reminding me of the cruising life. The unknown and the uncontrollability is difficult to accept. I want my labor and birth to go a certain way, but I can't make things happen. Just like picking the 'perfect" anchorage based on books written a few years ago. Many times, tired and ready to rest, we'd pull in just before sunset, looking forward to stillness and the ability to relax, only to discover a rolly anchorage, untenable anchoring conditions, or onshore winds. We would have to leave, or if it was too late, we'd have to keep anxious night watch.
Many times I wondered about my ability to handle what the sea or the weather might hand us. Similarly, I've wondered many times whether I'll be able to meet the demands of motherhood. On the sea, we took each moment as it came, reefed down if we expected poor weather, slept and prepared food when we could so we'd be prepared for times we couldn't sleep or eat easily. I suppose we'll do the same as we set sail into the sea of parenthood. We'll have family around us that love us and support us, and more books than we could ever read on the various subjects of child rearing. So, I'm practicing not being anxious about the unpredictable unknown future.