Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Esther was alive for 16 years. and some might say that's it, it's over. But as her family posted this morning, "We are convinced she is more truly alive than ever but still our hearts are breaking... " They also wrote, "now she belongs to the heavens." I believe and I think they would agree that she has always belonged to the heavens ever since the Creator imagined her to life. As we all belong to the heavens.

Right now I'm very grateful for my little Eloise so that I can feel more deeply the agony the loss of my cousin's daughter.

I feel the 12 pounds of solid aliveness as I hold Eloise and listen to her grunts and squeaks. When I laid her down to her nap just now I imagined how it would be to lay her down only one last time, her peaceful face a farewell visage. It breaks me. The hopes Esther's family had, the joy they had in her quirky spunky self. Esther steered our boat once, half of her life ago, before the cancer. She hopped right up to the steering wheel and took a turn, no worries about how her efforts would turn out, just a curiosity and excitement to try her hand at a new thing.

She has many new things waiting for her in eternity.

Here are her feelings from a couple of weeks ago:

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Eloise is now 11 lb. 4 oz. only 5 weeks after she arrived at 9 lbs. She still feels quite tiny!
Recent joys have been:
Eye contact
smiling games
dimply hands
and much much more.