Eloise arrived 3 weeks ago. All 9 pounds of her.
I started reading 9 months ago in preparation for coming and realize now that I could never have prepared completely. But, I swung through books as a child on monkey bars swings from one crossbar to the next. The Girlfriend's guide to Pregnancy was superceded by Dr. Sears' "The Pregnancy Book". Next came "Childbirth without Fear" which was in turn left behind for Dr. Sears' "The Birth Book". Thrown into the mix were the pamphlets from the medical world and google searches when nothing else answered my questions.
Now I've swung on and "The Nursing Mother's Companion" truly has been just that. The ubiquitous Dr. Sears and his "The Baby Book" is just coming in to view and sits on the coffee table, right now open to Chapter 1. Many of the books along my journey have raised concerns, caused anxiety, reduced anxiety, comforted me, puzzled me, or lead me to further inquiry.
But most delightful of all the books I've read, all the resources I've gone through along this ride, is Eloise herself. I never guessed that learning to read my daughter would be the most important joy of all. She has already taught me how to read her hunger signs, her happy sounds, her upset sounds. She has already in her short life caused anxiety one moment and then comforted me in the next. She certainly requires further inquiry for many more years.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Baby Eve
No, that's not the baby's name. That's just what day it is, or feels like. Today, the official due date, has only two more hours in it but there are no indications of imminent labor. Which is just fine because I feel pretty nervous about the whole thing.
Feels like a gale is brewing and we've done all the battening of hatches and reading of storm guides. All that's left is to see what it's really like in real life. I know we can't put it off forever but one more quiet walk with Brian around the Santa Cruz harbor, one more day of just deciding what I felt like doing when I wanted to, restful and pleasant, without factoring in the needs of a little one, made me grateful.
And just like all the gales we've been through on our sturdy ship, Nomad, this gale of labor and adjusting to a new life as 3 will soon be a part of our shared story, part of who we are and who we're becoming.
Feels like a gale is brewing and we've done all the battening of hatches and reading of storm guides. All that's left is to see what it's really like in real life. I know we can't put it off forever but one more quiet walk with Brian around the Santa Cruz harbor, one more day of just deciding what I felt like doing when I wanted to, restful and pleasant, without factoring in the needs of a little one, made me grateful.
And just like all the gales we've been through on our sturdy ship, Nomad, this gale of labor and adjusting to a new life as 3 will soon be a part of our shared story, part of who we are and who we're becoming.
Monday, May 31, 2010
4 more weeks
In the last two months I've gained 15 pounds, (and no, I still don't think it's very kind for people to tell me how large I'm getting), checked off a long term goal of visiting Victoria Canada's Butchart Gardens with my mom and sister, finished my semester teaching at Bethany, met my new nephew Elijah (born a week ago), continued my very helpful prenatal yoga classes, planted a veggie garden, and made a long list of things I want to accomplish before the baby gets here.
More than ever pregnancy is reminding me of the cruising life. The unknown and the uncontrollability is difficult to accept. I want my labor and birth to go a certain way, but I can't make things happen. Just like picking the 'perfect" anchorage based on books written a few years ago. Many times, tired and ready to rest, we'd pull in just before sunset, looking forward to stillness and the ability to relax, only to discover a rolly anchorage, untenable anchoring conditions, or onshore winds. We would have to leave, or if it was too late, we'd have to keep anxious night watch.
Many times I wondered about my ability to handle what the sea or the weather might hand us. Similarly, I've wondered many times whether I'll be able to meet the demands of motherhood. On the sea, we took each moment as it came, reefed down if we expected poor weather, slept and prepared food when we could so we'd be prepared for times we couldn't sleep or eat easily. I suppose we'll do the same as we set sail into the sea of parenthood. We'll have family around us that love us and support us, and more books than we could ever read on the various subjects of child rearing. So, I'm practicing not being anxious about the unpredictable unknown future.
More than ever pregnancy is reminding me of the cruising life. The unknown and the uncontrollability is difficult to accept. I want my labor and birth to go a certain way, but I can't make things happen. Just like picking the 'perfect" anchorage based on books written a few years ago. Many times, tired and ready to rest, we'd pull in just before sunset, looking forward to stillness and the ability to relax, only to discover a rolly anchorage, untenable anchoring conditions, or onshore winds. We would have to leave, or if it was too late, we'd have to keep anxious night watch.
Many times I wondered about my ability to handle what the sea or the weather might hand us. Similarly, I've wondered many times whether I'll be able to meet the demands of motherhood. On the sea, we took each moment as it came, reefed down if we expected poor weather, slept and prepared food when we could so we'd be prepared for times we couldn't sleep or eat easily. I suppose we'll do the same as we set sail into the sea of parenthood. We'll have family around us that love us and support us, and more books than we could ever read on the various subjects of child rearing. So, I'm practicing not being anxious about the unpredictable unknown future.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
one adventure to the next
Well, I've been feeling a bit like a traitor. This blog started out as travelogue of Nomad and her crew preparing to go off shore and their adventures thereafter. Nomad has safely voyaged about 7 or 8 thousand miles and is tucked into a small bay in the Mahurangi Harbour of New Zealand. So where does that leave this blog? No ocean or boat-related adventures, no blog? I think not.
I've realized that this next chapter of our lives, preparing for a new member of our family that isn't made out of fiberglass, is providing us many similar experiences as did our cruising days. Let me list a few comparisons:
1. Just as going to the specialty boat stores and reading the word "marine" printed on a package immediately increased the price by double, equally true in the world of special "infant" or "maternity" items. For example, even though they weren't even infant or maternity items, I willingly, albeit in a state of shock, paid 50$ for a few bottles of natural/paraben-free shampoo and other products. All for the baby's sake. It was the same with Nomad. If we needed a specific item that other stores didn't sell, plop went the money.
2. GADGETS. Think of boating and think of gadgets. You need this tool, that tool, this monitoring device for the bilge, this other one for your wind speed and direction. But you don't really need all of the gadgets that the marketing people and the cruising magazines say are "must-haves". Really, all you need is a solid sea-worthy hull, a good set of sails and rigging, a way to provide yourself with meals, a good GPS and some paper charts, and off you go. Sure, there's lots more icing you can put on that cake to make it easier but at some point if you keep buying gadgets, you either don't have money to leave the harbor, or you have to buy a bigger boat to put the extra gadgets in.
BABY GADGETS. Ditto the above paragraph, except for the must-haves are the baby, diapers, means of feeding it, cleaning it, clothing it, and a safe way to transport the little thing. Again, there are a plethora of items to be had that claim to (and some actually do) make life with a baby more simpler, but at some point, a person would need to buy a bigger house or garage in order to house all the items "needed" for the small 10 lb. human.
3. The Unknown. In cruising there are many simple unknown things like looking at a pen drawing of an anchorage and its hazards but not knowing what it's really like for our specific boat, the current weather conditions. Reading vague references to anchoring "between the white two story house and the yellow buoy" but knowing that was written three years ago with two hurricane seasons in between is exactly like the many "baby guides" written. A person can read the experiences of others but so much is different for each family. There are the little unknowns like gender, eye color, temperament, etc.
In sailing there are large unknowns also. Hurricanes blow in suddenly, mistakes (very rarely) end boats up on reefs, crew members abandon ship, gadgets malfunction... the list is endless. Entering life from the birth canal immediately exposes each of us to very large unpredictable unknowns. As the captains of our little baby's life it will be our job to be as prepared with gadgets, knowledge, experience, and wise supporters to help him or her navigate into adulthood and all the challenges in between. It's daunting, just as leaving California on a 42 foot boat was daunting. But, with God in the heavens and guiding us we made it. We can only pray the same is true of our next venture.
I've realized that this next chapter of our lives, preparing for a new member of our family that isn't made out of fiberglass, is providing us many similar experiences as did our cruising days. Let me list a few comparisons:
1. Just as going to the specialty boat stores and reading the word "marine" printed on a package immediately increased the price by double, equally true in the world of special "infant" or "maternity" items. For example, even though they weren't even infant or maternity items, I willingly, albeit in a state of shock, paid 50$ for a few bottles of natural/paraben-free shampoo and other products. All for the baby's sake. It was the same with Nomad. If we needed a specific item that other stores didn't sell, plop went the money.
2. GADGETS. Think of boating and think of gadgets. You need this tool, that tool, this monitoring device for the bilge, this other one for your wind speed and direction. But you don't really need all of the gadgets that the marketing people and the cruising magazines say are "must-haves". Really, all you need is a solid sea-worthy hull, a good set of sails and rigging, a way to provide yourself with meals, a good GPS and some paper charts, and off you go. Sure, there's lots more icing you can put on that cake to make it easier but at some point if you keep buying gadgets, you either don't have money to leave the harbor, or you have to buy a bigger boat to put the extra gadgets in.
BABY GADGETS. Ditto the above paragraph, except for the must-haves are the baby, diapers, means of feeding it, cleaning it, clothing it, and a safe way to transport the little thing. Again, there are a plethora of items to be had that claim to (and some actually do) make life with a baby more simpler, but at some point, a person would need to buy a bigger house or garage in order to house all the items "needed" for the small 10 lb. human.
3. The Unknown. In cruising there are many simple unknown things like looking at a pen drawing of an anchorage and its hazards but not knowing what it's really like for our specific boat, the current weather conditions. Reading vague references to anchoring "between the white two story house and the yellow buoy" but knowing that was written three years ago with two hurricane seasons in between is exactly like the many "baby guides" written. A person can read the experiences of others but so much is different for each family. There are the little unknowns like gender, eye color, temperament, etc.
In sailing there are large unknowns also. Hurricanes blow in suddenly, mistakes (very rarely) end boats up on reefs, crew members abandon ship, gadgets malfunction... the list is endless. Entering life from the birth canal immediately exposes each of us to very large unpredictable unknowns. As the captains of our little baby's life it will be our job to be as prepared with gadgets, knowledge, experience, and wise supporters to help him or her navigate into adulthood and all the challenges in between. It's daunting, just as leaving California on a 42 foot boat was daunting. But, with God in the heavens and guiding us we made it. We can only pray the same is true of our next venture.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
slippery slope
Well all that nesting has kept me away from the keyboard. OR maybe it's just me keeping me away. Life has felt like one of those ill-designed water slides where there's a really steep fast corner that opens to an almost flat spot that requires scooching to reach the next steep spot. During the scooching part though, there's that panicky urge, "I'd better move quick or the person behind me is going to catch up and mow me over in this dead spot." However, in my situation, the slow scooching parts aren't long enough. Even with the panicky urge that I'd better get in gear and get all the things done before my next Ed Psych class looms... or before I'm too huge to dig that hole for the azalea... or before THE BABY COMES...
I want to linger in the slow times, taking walks with Brian smelling the smell of redwood soil and the daphne plant blooming. Puttering in our room also calls. Anything with a slow rhythm calls, like the satisfied mooing and bell-clanging that call peace to hikers through the Swiss alps.
This long water slide will drop me, drop Brian and me, out into the sudden splash of an infant into our lives. I keep waking up in the mornings, leisurely enjoying the feel of the sheets and the sun peeking in the window. Then I look over at the cradle next to my side of the bed and the reality of peaceful mornings is contrasted with the upcoming urgency of an infant's needs. And that infant will be ours. That infant's needs will be our responsibility. Wow.
It feels like more of a change than getting married did.
I want to linger in the slow times, taking walks with Brian smelling the smell of redwood soil and the daphne plant blooming. Puttering in our room also calls. Anything with a slow rhythm calls, like the satisfied mooing and bell-clanging that call peace to hikers through the Swiss alps.
This long water slide will drop me, drop Brian and me, out into the sudden splash of an infant into our lives. I keep waking up in the mornings, leisurely enjoying the feel of the sheets and the sun peeking in the window. Then I look over at the cradle next to my side of the bed and the reality of peaceful mornings is contrasted with the upcoming urgency of an infant's needs. And that infant will be ours. That infant's needs will be our responsibility. Wow.
It feels like more of a change than getting married did.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Nesting
The cold, dusty box-filled "new basement" (aka storage room)as it has been called since the mid-90s when my mom and dad built it, is our nest. The rat-chewed boxes of my preacher grandpa's commentaries have been discarded and their contents tucked on shelves. The forgotten antiques have seen the light of day are being prepared to be displayed. The 400 lb. capacity Toledo Ohio meat packing scale will be our baby changing table. It's free and we can't buy that type of changing table at Toys R' Us anyway.
So our nesting continues. A bit of paint on this tacky chest of drawers, a brass boat lamp hung on the support post, our basement home is becoming cozy. Next, I'll plant ferns outside our window and sew some matching curtains. Hmmm what next?
So our nesting continues. A bit of paint on this tacky chest of drawers, a brass boat lamp hung on the support post, our basement home is becoming cozy. Next, I'll plant ferns outside our window and sew some matching curtains. Hmmm what next?
Monday, February 1, 2010
introvert
Since I have been sharing the very intimate personal space of my body with another being, albeit tiny, I have been less interested in socializing. A definition of introvert is someone who is rejuvenated through solitary activities and drained by social activities. Talking is harder work than ever before. Why this is, I don't know. Blame it on Baby Thom. Or me being awash with different chemicals in different combinations than ever before.
For some strange reason puttering around our little apartment or in the garden is much more appealing than in the past. Or maybe I just miss the rhythm and seclusion of our little home on the sea. It's simpler that way.
To top all of this off, I have always believed that people's belly's were part of their personal space. So, now my personal space is announcing itself to people in a very obvious fashion. Thereby inviting conversation about it, and PATTING of it. Maybe I should invest in a T-shirt that says, "Do not touch". Or maybe I should try to be less prickly. But, it is my body after all. I guess I could stay home for the next 4 months. That should cure my introversion and the belly patting. It would like when Frances the badger loves jam and so her mother only feeds her jam and toast. Frances starts not liking jam so much. hmmm.
For some strange reason puttering around our little apartment or in the garden is much more appealing than in the past. Or maybe I just miss the rhythm and seclusion of our little home on the sea. It's simpler that way.
To top all of this off, I have always believed that people's belly's were part of their personal space. So, now my personal space is announcing itself to people in a very obvious fashion. Thereby inviting conversation about it, and PATTING of it. Maybe I should invest in a T-shirt that says, "Do not touch". Or maybe I should try to be less prickly. But, it is my body after all. I guess I could stay home for the next 4 months. That should cure my introversion and the belly patting. It would like when Frances the badger loves jam and so her mother only feeds her jam and toast. Frances starts not liking jam so much. hmmm.
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